10 TIPS FOR ONLINE DATING
SAFETY
Dating websites offer a fun and secure environment for
meeting and
relating with others online. It's also a great
place to build loving and trusting friendships that can lead
to long lasting real life relationships. Whether you
decide
to correspond with members online or meet members
offline, please use sound judgment and be
responsible
for your conduct online and off. In both the virtual and
real worlds, common sense is your best
safety tool.
1) Start slow. Watch out for someone who seems too
good to
be true. Begin by first communicating solely
via
email. Be on the
lookout for odd behavior or inconsistencies.
"Listen" to your
correspondent's words. The
person at
the other end may not be who or what he/she says. Trust
your instincts. If
anything makes you
uncomfortable, walk
away for your own safety and
protection.
2) Guard Your Anonymity. An
anonymous Nickname, does
not reveal any
personal contact information about
you. Never include
your last name, real email address, personal
Web site
URL, home address, phone number, place of work, or
any other identifying information in your profile
or initial
emails you exchange with other members. Make sure
your email signature file is turned off, or does not
include
identifying
information. Stop
communicating with anyone who
pressures you for this
information or attempts in any way to trick you
into
revealing it. Take all the time you need to become
comfortable with
someone before revealing any
personal
contact information. Ask questions
and make sure you
are satisfied with the answers. Trust your instincts, move
cautiously and
be selective.
3) Exercise Caution and Common Sense. Careful,
well-thought decisions generally lead to better results in
dating, and
this is certainly true with online dating too.
Guard against trusting the untrustworthy. Any suitor
must
earn your trust gradually, through consistently
honorable, forthright
behavior. Your job is to take all
the time you
need to test for a trustworthy person, and
pay careful attention along the way. Take a relatively
conservative
approach to trusting anyone you meet
online. If you think someone is lying, it is likely that
they are, so act
accordingly. Move on to someone
you can eventually trust. Conduct yourself and your
romances in a responsible
manner. Don't fall in love
at the click of a mouse. Don't become prematurely
intimate with someone, even if that
intimacy only occurs
online.
4) Request a Photo. A photo will give you a good
idea of the person's appearance, which may prove
helpful
in achieving a gut feeling about your correspondent.
In fact, it's best to view several images of this person in
a
variety of settings: casual, formal, indoor, outdoors. If
he or she continuously comes up with an excuse, it may
be because that person has something to hide. Getting a
photo scanned is
less than ten dollars at Kinko's, so
there
is little excuse for not doing it.
5) Talk Via Telephone. A phone call can reveal much
about a
person's communication and social skills. It is
worth the cost of the call to protect your security. But
do not give out your personal phone number to a stranger.
Try a cell phone number instead for added security. Or
make arrangements to call from a pay phone. Only when
you feel completely comfortable should you furnish your
phone number.
6) Meet When YOU Are Ready. The beauty of
meeting and relating online is that you can gradually
collect
information and then make a choice about
pursuing the relationship in the real world. You are
never obligated to
meet anyone, regardless of your
level of online intimacy. And even if you do decide
to arrange a meeting, you
always have the right to
change your mind. It's possible that your decision to
keep the relationship at the
anonymous level is based
on a hunch that you can't logically explain. Trust
yourself. Go with your gut instincts,
even when they
can't be logically explained. Never meet someone
who argues against your instincts, finds logical
flaws
with your feelings or pressures you in any way.
7) Watch for Red Flags. Pay attention to any displays
of anger, intense frustration or attempts at pressuring or
controlling
you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner,
making demeaning or
disrespectful comments or any
physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You
should also be concerned if your date exhibits any of the
following
conduct without providing an acceptable explanation: Provides inconsistent
information about age,
interests, appearance, marital status, profession,
employment,
etc. Refuses to speak to you on the phone after
establishing
ongoing, online intimacy. Fails to provide direct answers to
direct
questions. Appears in person to
be significantly
different from his or her
online persona. Never introduces
you to friends, professional associates
or family members.
8) Select the Safest Possible Environment. When you make the
choice to meet offline, always tell someone
where you are going and when
you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with that
person.
Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your
own
transportation, meet in a public place at
a time when many
people are
present, and when the date is over, leave on your
own as well. A familiar
restaurant
or coffee shop, at a time
when a lot of other people will be
present is often a fine
choice. Avoid hikes, bike rides
or drives in
remote areas for
the first few dates. If you decide to move to another
location,
take your own car.
When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for
getting together and say goodbye.
9) Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area. If you are flying in
from another area, arrange for your own car
and a hotel room. Do not
disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the
arrangements
for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your
hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the
location you have
already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back
to your hotel. Try
to contact your date at that location, or leave a
message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or
family member
knows your plans and has your
contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all times.
10) Get Yourself Out of a Jam. Never do anything you feel unsure
about. If you are in any way afraid of your
date, use your best judgment
to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough
to call a
friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help, or
slip out the back door and drive away. If
you feel
you are in danger call
the police. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel
embarrassed about
your behavior. Your safety is much more important than
one person's opinion of you.
While liars, cheaters and imposters certainly ply their craft
on the Web, you'll also find them in nightclubs, among
the membership
ranks of off-line dating services, at cocktail parties, and occasionally
sitting across
from you at
your local café. Regardless of where, or how,
you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free
activity. A little caution
will reduce your risk in these matters of the heart.
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